happy while recovering

I know there are 2 things I say a lot. 1. My friends are the best ever, they are so great. And 2. My Sir is so really cool and amazing. Part of it is He really is a great guy who some days doesn’t know how great He is, the other part is I’ve been with real assholes that have fucked me over in almost every way a guy can fuck one over. So knowing what I don’t want makes me thankful for finding a good part of what I want. The rest is just working it out and communication. I’m sure at this point with as much as I feel the need to reach out to Him and attempt to explain my feelings and wanting to hear about His, He should be close to sick of the concept. Lol.

Moving on, I was very sick yesterday. I was sicker then the damn dog. Stumbling around, crying, blowing my nose and puking my lungs out. Sir was kind enough to offer to come by, I almost rejected it. But one of my many issues is even though I know nobody can physically make me feel better from a cold I still don’t want to be alone for that long. I think my biggest problem yesterday day was my mental state of being so scared and upset from the pain that it made everything 10 times worse. I thought for sure I was dying. Also the mental beating of having my body yet again get sick made it hard for me to hold it together. Makes me thankful Sir came over. My favorite part was when He called to tell me He was here, I have a locked building. I dragged my unsteady ass out of bed, tossed on a huge fuzzy blue robe. My hair was a mess and I’m sure my skin color wasn’t great. First thing He says: “You look like shit.”

That made my day, I knew I looked like shit but at least He didn’t blow smoke up my ass and say I look like a bed of roses. I enjoyed that brutal honest comment. Almost turned me on. Speaking of, turns out when I’m sick like I was/am I’m extra sensitive, and not in a good way if I’m with a sadistic top. Oh wait I was with a sadistic top. Yeah, I crack my self up.

With the snuggles and pets I felt a bit better mentally. A short nap and I went off to work. Yeah that sucked cause by the end of work I realized I hadn’t been eating that much. Twice I felt my blood sugar take two big drops. It wasn’t that I didn’t have food, it wasn’t that I didn’t cook the food for myself. It was that I had to force myself to even eat half of it. So body already weak from cold became added to from the lack of will to want to eat. I k now I’ve most likely eaten enough by the health care standards. But just.

Tonight, Sir is going to stop by with Chinese food. My stomach is fine, it just doesn’t want to work or tell my brain that I’m hungry. Silly creature. So I shall be partaking in Forced Chinese food tonight. Maybe I’ll add that to my list of fun on my site. Should be funny if nothing else.

Did I mention my friends are great? They make even the most embarrassing or crappy things funny. I am feeling a lot better today. Mentally I’m more relaxed, physically I feel my body getting better. I’m hurting in different ways, but over all I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. I have convinced myself that I shall be better by tomorrow night. It shall be as I’ve said it.

I hopes everyone stays healthy, take it from me, it really bites to be sick.

~Raven~

This is getting old.

I just go over my cause-unknown moderate allergy attack that lasted about 1 week. Go to work over the weekend and one of the ladies has a cold, wouldn't you know now i have a cold. Not even a week after getting better. I would usually think oh well it's not so bad, i'll be better tomorrow. But no, not this time, I want to be better NOW.

my bday party and group meeting are this weekend. I am not going to miss it. I should be looking at my schedule and figuring out what days I'm going to switch. Sir asked me ever so nicely if I would go with Him and our friend to a party in Ohio. I at first told Him to take her and I'd stay here and be a good girl working hard. He and I are working out how we feel, and He really wanted me to go, and yeah I really wanted to go. So now it's time for me to go to my boss and beg for that day off.

I would've been happy to stay and not go due to other issues, I for the most part enjoy my friends having fun even if I can't be there. Sure it's hard on me, but it also allows me to focus on the issues I've had in the past and face them now instead of running away.

My friends have helped me grow so much, I think I say that a lot, almost every day. But I am so grateful, so happy, and loving them for who they are. I know I'm working harder to process my own feelings and thoughts to be a better friend for them.

On the plus side, only one side of my nose hurts. . . I cannot take caught drops either, we are leaning towards thinking that's what caused a problem in my body. We don't know what caused the allergic reaction but the caught drops are in the lead. Maybe someday when I'm feeling masochistic and have a few free days, I'll go and pop a few drops and see if I break out. Problem solved then.

So this is my short blog post about being sick, my great friends, and being sick. I hope everyone has a lovely week and stay healthy!! It's no fun to be sick!

~Raven~

birthday lovings for this kitty

Yes it's my birthday. And my Sir is the best in the world. He put up with my moody nature yesterday. A mild misunderstanding. I didn't really want to play with Him last night,I just wanted to be near Him, didn't want to sleep alone. Call me spoiled. I am. I know He has work He has to get done. And I really didn't mind, but I was so bummed out when at first He said I shouldn't come over. Ever try to tell a cat what to do? It doesn't work for you, does it? Now try telling a tiger what to do. . .works even less well then telling a house cat what to do.

He worked late and I had gotten upsetting news from my job. So I just ended up passing out on His sofa. I didn't care at that moment, I was just so upset. He knew I was upset, and let me sleep. Then at some point I was tossing and turning on the sofa and I looked up and saw Him at His desk. I must have smiled and He looked over, "good, you're awake." He said with happiness in His voice. My mind screamed nooooooooooooooo, I'm not awake, I don't even know where I'm at or what I'm doing. I must have grunted or something. He said lets get me to bed and I some how made it from where I was to the bedroom. I remember clawing at Him to stay with me, snuggle with me. He said He'd be right back, had to finish up some things. I passed out again in a better state. The tears gone from previously, and knowing He was there.

I recall my hands waking me up with Him next to me. *smiles* Yes I woke Him up. Yes I've had so many wonderful orgasms this morning. He treats His kitty oh so well. Laughing together we spent a great morning together. Holding each other close and being happy with the company.

I never thought that I'd be able to be with someone who shared the same enjoyments, who allows me to play all over Him and be with Him. It's lovely.

~Raven~

hospital run

Yesterday afternoon I woke up suddenly from my sleep about 2 hours before the work out I was planning on going to in the park that day. I grabbed a cookie and some milk and hopes that the milk would settle me back down for some more sleep. Well, that didn't work out too well, had to use the little kitty room. I happened to touch my left side above my hip bone, and a bump had appeared. For a moment I started to panic. Then I sat there and thought, hell it's just something that is a simple skin reaction. A rash or something, I'll go back to bed and it'll be gone when i wake up.

Then came the sudden burning in my wrists. My mind went into overdrive at that point. Racing because in about 2 seconds i realized what was happening. An allergic reaction. Holy hell, last reaction left me laying motionless in bed screaming in agony. I called everyone in my family, and my friends. Then finally my Sir picked up the phone. At this point you can imagine a girl hysterical in tears because she has a pretty good idea of how much pain she's going to be in.

Time moves forwards, He had business to take care of and I finally got a hold of the doctor's office. That took forever, turns out my PCP moved and what not. Took their advice and had to call work. Almost begged to come into work because I needed the time in before my trip. They said no. I really need to learn how to beg more.

My Sir showed up moments later. It was wonderful to see Him, even if at this point I was at the end of being able to function. He walked me back up, checked me over, scared Himself that maybe I was having an allergic reaction to His new ropes. No, bilateral skin break outs do not happy usually do to skin contact allergens. And I showered to make sure it wasn't a contact allergy.

It was the first time I was ashamed to cuddle with Him. I looked a mess and felt like hell. But He tucked me in and held me tight. That alone was the best medicine for my mind. The suggested medicine I had taken was starting to work. A few hours of Him watching over me to make sure it didn't get suddenly worse or have an air way blockage was lovely from the few moments I remember of it. On His way out He checked me over once again and my skin looked better.

I think I remember locking the door but who knows it got locked some how. Strange dreams that night of snuggling Him and what not must have made me toss and turn. But I stayed asleep for a while last night. Waking up at about 6 this morning I looked at my body. The hives had come back and I was scratched up like a scratching post. I must have scratched myself bloody in my sleep and not noticed obviously.

My other dear friend came over to check on me and said fuck it you're going to the ER, period. Get there and lift up my shirt and even they go holy fuck. my skin was a mess. I've had drugs iv before in the ER when I've gone in the past. These drugs this time made me puke in my mouth and pass out within 2 minutes. It was funny to watch I'm sure. But I'm sure it was a mix of anxiety and the medicines that made my body give out. Such deep cat-nap-age. So lovely.

Now I'm sitting in my apartment watching a movie with my friend, my ass feels like it's on fire from the skin lotion I put on. Obviously the scratches are still there and deep. The moral of this post is I have such great friends, and my Sir is the bestest in the whole world. I love being His kitty girl and even when I'm sick He doesn't make me feel bad, like others have in the past. I'm just so lucky to have Him in my life. To teach me and to be my friend.

~raven~