Hello E/everyone. Hope that this weekend rocks for everyone. At the D.C GRUE relaxing for a moment while I wait for a figging class. I have always wanted to try figging, but wanted to watch someone else do it first. You know that kind of thing where you research it and read all the “warnings”. You still think it’s fun, but you want to make sure you do it right or understand the consequences of your actions. Figging is the type of thing (from my reading) that once you start, you cannot stop. So that alone gives me pause. I have a few lists set up for myself as far as kinks/fetishes go. The first list is the group of things I’m willing and most likely only want to do by myself. That’s things like heat sensations and things I’m not wanting to share with anyone else. The next list is things I really, really want to try but I don’t want to do it alone. I want a back up plan in case things go horribly wrong. Figging is on that list. Sure anyone can shove a piece of ginger in their body.
Now time for me to do figging…correction, now time for the figging class where I watch it. Then figure out if it’s still something I want to do. Yes this blog post is going to be broken up and written in a sort of real time fashion, but that is only because I can stand doing it just this one time.
<\_~
Well, I just had a lovely conversation with someone who was so refreshing to talk to on many levels. Learning and sharing time with someone who is well versed in the areas that you yourself are working towards is just lovely. It makes you realize that it can and is being done.
There is so much I want to say, but feel so limited due to the words we have to describe these beautiful butterflies. I am waiting for the fishbowl though, that is something I think would be helpful to me. The rope bottom round table that went on was very good vibes. I’m so happy that others just kept it going and in my mind it was productive for me. Right now, I have no clue where Sir is at. But relaxing and taking a moment for myself just feels right. I have this time where I know I need to reset myself. Some things did grind on my nerves, but that had to do with every day life and things I still have to learn to deal with internally.
While talking to this lovely lady, I realized that I am not clear on what I think is the next level in my path. So maybe that is a wrong word choice. I think what I want is a way to stay more focused on my path and figure out how my path mixes and interacts with Sir and the path He is on. This goes back to the ordeal path and my reading of books on that topic. I am really drawn towards it, and I guess the goddess wanted to give me a clear understanding of what that path included. Sometimes, you don’t get a choice in the matter of ordeal path. Sickness happens. For the first week I was going out of my mind insane with pain and fear. Those two things overtook me. I didn’t know what was wrong with my body, I didn’t know much of anything. There were times when I couldn’t even think. Taking “that” away from me made me unsure. It was a feeling of helplessness and that lead to other feelings.
One of my biggest hang ups is the dealing with pain. Because of the way I grew up, my family, and other factors, I have this mental block of not knowing what I’m in “too much pain.” I have never passed out from pain. I have twice given up because of the pain. The first time I was getting my blood drawn for the 3rd time that week. The previous two blood tests came back normal. I had twisted and flinched and had my normal reactions to the needle going in and out. The 3rd time, however, mentally I was defeated. At that point the pain was constant. There was no relief. And here is this nurse just trying to help me and knowing my reaction to needles feels bad for me. But I don’t move. I just check out mentally. She finishes and then I start crying . Not because of the pain, but because my mind clicked and mentally I could not go on. I did walk to the waiting area to where Sir was, eyes red and I flopped down. I went from crying to bawling my eyes out, shaking and Him having to drag me out of the waiting area to the car. Once we got to the car I clicked back. Okay I just walked from the waiting area to the car. I didn’t think I could do it but I did. So that must mean I’m not done yet. I still have more to give.
The next time was in the ER. I went in and waiting for 2 hours about. I didn’t have a watch nor did I care. At one point I went to the nurses and begged them to help me. At this point I hadn’t had food in 5-6 days and I hadn’t had liquids in about 3 days. Yes, I know what it’s like to want water so badly, but to not be able to drink it. To have the thing I wanted most in the world, just a fucking glass of water, and my body couldn’t handle taking it in. That was very defeating for me. The nurses couldn’t do anything till the process of checking me in was done and there was a room in the ER for me. So I walking and stumbled to the back corner of the ER and laid down. I don’t know what is going on, suddenly I wake up and all the people who were there before waiting were gone. I felt my face and it was covered in drool. I just had given up at that point on feeling any relief. I did get it later on that night, and was shocked. That was one turning point for me. Ever since then water is like gold to me. I collect water bottles and won’t toss any of it away.
To end this blog entry I want to go back to the start for a moment. Figging. I think I’m not really going to be thrilled with a ginger root up my ass, but the sounds of getting ginger on my pussy is much better. Just my own observations and talking with the demo bottom who sounds a lot like me along the lines of how the sensations line up. Although yes we know no two people are alike, but I had the feeling that I’d enjoy it more on my pussy then ass. But hey, I can always try both.
~Raven~
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