Tis raining outside and I'm having a lazy day. No matter how many times I go to start the dishes they have yet to be totally done. So I'm just laying round talking with people, I wanted to make dinner for Sir before He goes out for the evening while I sleep.
I have the urge to make brownies but I figure I'd end up falling asleep with the oven on and really killing them or turning them into deadly tossing brownies. One hit will knock you out for days and leave you happy it only hit you're head instead of you're teeth.
I have a lovely weekend at kinko. The people who got the event together were wonderful. It was fun and I learned a bit. Although, I still have one or two questions to go over with Sir and get His opinion on. I liked the classes I did go to, and I'm kicking myself for not asking more questions. I have this mental block for asking things. So many hot girls and sexy guys. I got the chance to ask a Rigger some questions and got some really good answers and learned a lot more about rope.
It was fun to be tied and then fuck with the rigger only to be let known that I shouldn't be fucking with that person, He's slightly sadistic. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, sure guys. . . Oh wait that hurts, oh wait that hurts oh so good. So good it's almost worrying me that I enjoyed that pain that much. If I was a sane person I'd have said fuck this that hurts I'm done. Oh no, never said raven was sane. It hurt, it twitched, and it felt so good. To be spun round on one leg with you're mind screaming you're going to fall is a bunch of fun, because you're mind cannot keep up with you're own mind let alone the fucker who is keeping the body so off balance that everything you think you know. . . you don't.
(I'm watching a show and thinking- I want a cookie, just one.)
If my body hadn't have given out and tapped out, I think I'd still days later be hanging there just cause that feeling was nice.
Now I move on to another new experience. Inner silence. When I play with Sir some of the time our energy level hooks up just right and it's an amazing ride. I think that anyone who isn't or is sane that wouldn't want to try it. Lately, I've been feeling down on myself because we haven't hooked up with rope like this in a long while, His injuries and my work. Yeah not too easy to get relaxed and pain free on top of being on the same page. One of us has to give and other take while both of us are pushing pulling. I'm not wanting to get started unless I KNOW FOR SURE that I will feel what I want to feel. Anyway, That's my fault. I should let Him lead me, after all that's what I enjoy.
We went for a ground tie instead of a suspension. I made that call at the last second. I was practicing mediation that I learned earlier in the day and something just made me want to request a ground tie. I started to feel as we were getting ready to start the scene the energy that I was longing for, I wanted to keep it up. I looked forward to it and try my hardest to hold on to it.
I am not very picky about somethings. I don't mind a bit. But If I have a goal, I've learned through this experience I should not get made when I don't tell my partner that I want to achieve this goal when something happens to stop that goal from being reached. I have in the past jumped into Sir's scenes with my friend, I know that she didn't mind, most the time I'd just hand Him things or tickle her. Or other times I'd suggest things for Sir to do. Now, she has been wanting and jumping in on our scenes when I've backed away from her scenes. I don't want to be mean and say I don't want her there. But I don't want to have to call safe word to get someone to stop. That's not how I play. I play how I play. IF you can't read my body and my tones, then you shouldn't play with me. I will call red, but you will be sore for days after I'm forced to call red.
My friend jumped in our scene and my mind just stopped. I shut down and in shutting down I let the play flow through me. I enjoyed it on a different level and it was fun. So part of me is happy I got to a new level, the other is not so happy that I still don't feel that connected with Sir in our scenes on a consistent bases.
That brings me to the end of this rather long post. Maybe I'll write more tonight about the enjoyable things of life. Hope you all have a lovely safe day. I have to continue to learn to play nice with others, this is one way I've found works to an extent.
~Raven~
No comments:
Post a Comment