Sometimes, there are guys out there I think I like at first glance. Even at third and forth glances. I know I shouldn’t really expect everyone I meet to start a friendship with that it’ll work out for year and years to come. That’s not really realistic. But when it comes to some people, after the first period of “hey you’re someone new in my life“, they tend to go in a downward spiral. For many reasons, but mostly I’d say because they aren’t ready. There are many forms of ready and many forms of relationships.
I used to go around longing to be in a relationship like I seen and read about from various places. One day I finally looked at myself, my place I was at in life, and the light bulb over my head went off. Even if some how this perfect relationship landed in my lap, I’d still not be ready for it. At that point, things became slightly easier to be single until I came to a point where I was more ready for a relationship or more friendships.
I’ve come up with a few different things I find important. Be it with friends or relationships. I would label these things “things to know to date Raven, and survive.” But my Sir suggested just to call it “things to know in order to date Rave.” In any case, these things came about for different reasons. Mostly, just the number of people who have just been clueless. Clueless is the nicest word I can think of that describes most of them. I’m not so hard to deal with as a person, at least I think that way. So I will simply call this "what it takes to not drive me crazy."
No real order but I’ll start with communication. You have to be able to communicate with me and be able to put up with my communication skill level. I am always trying to improve that skill set, but until it’s any better then it is now, please be able to deal with what it is.
Be open with your thoughts and be able to listen to mine. It takes me forever to start to trust someone with my deeper thoughts. I’m always doubting if I make any sense or if I’m saying something wrong. I don’t really go around wanting to hurt people’s feelings. Honest, that’s just not my style or desire. But give me the time it takes to share with you my ideas, wants, and needs. I might need to explain it a few different ways, that doesn’t bother me. But don’t be a brick wall that doesn’t listen.
Be creative. If there is a problem, don’t ask me how to solve it for you. Ask to work through a problem with me. If I have a problem, don’t talk at me. Listen and help me figure things out on my own or with your help.
Walk beside me, not ahead or behind me. I don’t want to be with someone who is forever worshipping the ground I walk on or is forever demanding I worship the ground they walk on. I will worship, love and adore you for the person you are in my own humble ways. That doesn’t mean I think I am less of a person or more of a person then you are. I don’t want to walk this world alone with nobody in site.
Have your own life, dreams, goals, passions. Do not let me push you around or demand you give something up for me. A relationship is about compromise. I will bend and bend and bend if I have that urge. And maybe sometimes you’ll have to bend and bend and bend. But that doesn’t mean we won’t snap back to where we were. We have our lives, dreams, goals, and passions. Sure we can share some together. That doesn’t mean we have to share everything.
When I want alone time, when I want time with a female, when I want time with a male, ect, Let me have it. There are times when I don’t want anything to do with anyone. Be it for 10 minutes or 10 days. Just let me collect myself. Balance myself. Find what the hell I am looking for during those periods. Know I am not intentally ignoring you, I am searching for something, most likely inside of me, and I either don’t need or you can’t help me. There are some things that you cannot provide me. Accept this but don’t think it means I don’t need you in my life.
Be able to laugh, at the world, at yourself, at me. Just be able to let that joy of laughing out whenever you see fit. Like others have said in different referances and styles: what happens at that time is what’s meant to happen. We cannot plan every moment, we can go with the flow, laugh and live in the moment.
Know that I don’t live for tomorrow and what might happen. I do that to an extent, but I learned from my past. I planned and worried about things and I forgot to live in the moment. To enjoy the time I spent with the people I loved in the past. I was so worried about what our relationships might be that I lost them totally. I live each day as it is, and I don’t worry about what my relationships might turn into. Sure pruning and keeping an eye on things is important. But living for what might be in 10 years from now seems foolish to me.
It’s the journey that matters to me.
This is more then enough for right now. I’m sure as time goes on I’ll be able to clean it up and add/subtract from it as I see fit.
~Raven~
Friday, September 3, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Balancing Point(s)
Sometimes we have bad days, sometimes we have good days. I don’t think I sit down and count how many good days I have so that I can keep score. I mean everything balances out in the end in some form. So why worry about some things that we cannot control and forget about some of the things we can control. I spent about 30-45 minutes taking a practice quiz online for my quiz tomorrow, then making note cards and attempting my best to study. Part of me stops and thinks, hey I bet my boyfriend didn’t have to do this when He was in school. Yeah, yeah, He was in a field of study that you didn’t have to study like I am studying right now. Note: He did have to study and work at it, I’m not saying that, I’m saying the style of studying and the work that had to be learned was slight different then my work.
Now I know I could never do what He does. First, I’m not a geek, although I am a geek fan girl. I never excelled in things that were not interactions in the way I see them. Take nursing, you interact with a whole shit load of people on many different levels. That’s my kind of thing. Going in and seeing what needs to be done and doing it. Then seeing the changes you’ve created. If I’m looking at lines in a book about how to put something together, I can’t read that in that format. So of coarse I am not going to be in those type of fields reading lines of codes or how to guides. Just not my scene.
So what the hell does this have to do with kink? Well, balance. That’s the simplest connection I can find really. I talked to Sir today about this and asked Him His opinions on a subject that really interests me. The answer came down to balance, at least how I translated what He said. Some people in life do things for themselves and they don’t really care about others in the process. Me? I don’t think I could be like that, no matter how many times in the past I’ve been accused of it. I stop and think, if even for a moment, about the outcome of my actions and how they might effect someone else. Sometimes I think more then others, again just the nature of the beast.
There are also other people who are out there doing their own thing. Now be it for whatever reason, they are just happy swimming in their damn fish pond. I think if I thought about it, my sister is kind of like this in a limited way. She knows everyone, everything, and just about anything you could want to know about the place where we both grew up. That is, she knows who is fucking who, who did what to who, and so on. It is a very extensive knowledge base. The thing I think that makes her different is she could go anywhere and do that, she just doesn’t care at this moment. She talks about moving over seas, and she talks about moving away. A lot of talk but I think someday she just might do it. Hell, she got married and we were all betting against that (funny thing is, she’s still married).
But there are lots of people out there in the kink world who have their own style or M/O. Sometimes I sit back and watch. That’s one thing that I am not recognized for or maybe I am and I just don’t know it yet. I really do like to sit and watch how people interact on a social level in the kink world. It’s not fair to put people into boxes and I am not doing that. I’m just taking a few examples and making some mental connections. There are those people who are so graceful. That’s what I call it anyway. They go into a room, do their thing, smile/laugh/have fun, and go on to the next thing.
Part of me wonders of those people are dancers. Because the ones I’ve seen and met are in the very least performers. I don’t mean they get up and dance on cue or that they are a trained money to spin the turn crank. I mean they light up the room and bring a great energy into the scene and do it so gracefully it usually leaves me speechless. Beyond that it leaves me looking inward at myself to better myself not grumble about oh how I wish I could be them. Because in all honesty I could be that graceful person that brightens up the room. I know when I met my Sir the second time I was that person who just bounced across the room and gave Him the biggest hug. I made His night and He made mine. Not to down play that, but to me in my mind that’s “small scale”. The people I am talking about do that on a larger scale. Not saying that one is better then the other, because both are special and take special people. But if I knew how to extend myself and brighten up more then one person’s room at a time, I would.
I want this world to be a positive place for growth and other things. I think that there are very special people out there working hard to make that world expand and reach more people who may feel lost in the dark. For many years I was one of those people who was lost in the dark and feeling so far down I didn’t know what way I was going or who I was deep down inside. Part of me wants to explain and let more people in to that time period so they can better understand me. And with that comes another view point for them. Yes, we go through good days and bad, but knowing that we aren’t the only ones gives us a connection. A point to grow on and to hopefully pull us towards something that helps us grow as a person.
I got asked in a phone interview once, “So, is there anything about having kink in your life that has made it hard?” The person asked me that question many different times in many different ways. Trying to get me to say something like : “yes, I feel bad I’m a freak because the mainstream just tears me apart.” That’s not the case for me. Maybe cause I’m half in and half out. Hell my picture is posted on enough kinky sites anyway. For me, being kinky is just part of who I am and I refuse to feel bad for it. Sometimes I doubt myself and my choices, who doesn’t? But the guy didn’t understand what he was asking. He might have well asked a man born at birth blind, if he regretted never seeing the colors of a sunset. That man has never seen so he doesn’t know what he is missing. I’ve never been the mainstream type girl. I never fit into groups that were considered “normal” by the mainstream media or people who live in that type of life.
I don’t know what it’s like to go to prom, I don’t know what it’s like to be a popular cheerleader (although I do know what it’s like to tackle a cheerleader in flag football). Those things I will never know because part of me doesn’t really care to know. Do I want a house with a white picket fence and neighbors to come over on the weekend while my stud of a husband cooks meat on the grill? Well, as long as I have a dungeon in the basement, frequent flier miles, and my neighbors (at least some of them) are kinky too. Then that “American Dream” might be bearable for me.
~Raven~
Now I know I could never do what He does. First, I’m not a geek, although I am a geek fan girl. I never excelled in things that were not interactions in the way I see them. Take nursing, you interact with a whole shit load of people on many different levels. That’s my kind of thing. Going in and seeing what needs to be done and doing it. Then seeing the changes you’ve created. If I’m looking at lines in a book about how to put something together, I can’t read that in that format. So of coarse I am not going to be in those type of fields reading lines of codes or how to guides. Just not my scene.
So what the hell does this have to do with kink? Well, balance. That’s the simplest connection I can find really. I talked to Sir today about this and asked Him His opinions on a subject that really interests me. The answer came down to balance, at least how I translated what He said. Some people in life do things for themselves and they don’t really care about others in the process. Me? I don’t think I could be like that, no matter how many times in the past I’ve been accused of it. I stop and think, if even for a moment, about the outcome of my actions and how they might effect someone else. Sometimes I think more then others, again just the nature of the beast.
There are also other people who are out there doing their own thing. Now be it for whatever reason, they are just happy swimming in their damn fish pond. I think if I thought about it, my sister is kind of like this in a limited way. She knows everyone, everything, and just about anything you could want to know about the place where we both grew up. That is, she knows who is fucking who, who did what to who, and so on. It is a very extensive knowledge base. The thing I think that makes her different is she could go anywhere and do that, she just doesn’t care at this moment. She talks about moving over seas, and she talks about moving away. A lot of talk but I think someday she just might do it. Hell, she got married and we were all betting against that (funny thing is, she’s still married).
But there are lots of people out there in the kink world who have their own style or M/O. Sometimes I sit back and watch. That’s one thing that I am not recognized for or maybe I am and I just don’t know it yet. I really do like to sit and watch how people interact on a social level in the kink world. It’s not fair to put people into boxes and I am not doing that. I’m just taking a few examples and making some mental connections. There are those people who are so graceful. That’s what I call it anyway. They go into a room, do their thing, smile/laugh/have fun, and go on to the next thing.
Part of me wonders of those people are dancers. Because the ones I’ve seen and met are in the very least performers. I don’t mean they get up and dance on cue or that they are a trained money to spin the turn crank. I mean they light up the room and bring a great energy into the scene and do it so gracefully it usually leaves me speechless. Beyond that it leaves me looking inward at myself to better myself not grumble about oh how I wish I could be them. Because in all honesty I could be that graceful person that brightens up the room. I know when I met my Sir the second time I was that person who just bounced across the room and gave Him the biggest hug. I made His night and He made mine. Not to down play that, but to me in my mind that’s “small scale”. The people I am talking about do that on a larger scale. Not saying that one is better then the other, because both are special and take special people. But if I knew how to extend myself and brighten up more then one person’s room at a time, I would.
I want this world to be a positive place for growth and other things. I think that there are very special people out there working hard to make that world expand and reach more people who may feel lost in the dark. For many years I was one of those people who was lost in the dark and feeling so far down I didn’t know what way I was going or who I was deep down inside. Part of me wants to explain and let more people in to that time period so they can better understand me. And with that comes another view point for them. Yes, we go through good days and bad, but knowing that we aren’t the only ones gives us a connection. A point to grow on and to hopefully pull us towards something that helps us grow as a person.
I got asked in a phone interview once, “So, is there anything about having kink in your life that has made it hard?” The person asked me that question many different times in many different ways. Trying to get me to say something like : “yes, I feel bad I’m a freak because the mainstream just tears me apart.” That’s not the case for me. Maybe cause I’m half in and half out. Hell my picture is posted on enough kinky sites anyway. For me, being kinky is just part of who I am and I refuse to feel bad for it. Sometimes I doubt myself and my choices, who doesn’t? But the guy didn’t understand what he was asking. He might have well asked a man born at birth blind, if he regretted never seeing the colors of a sunset. That man has never seen so he doesn’t know what he is missing. I’ve never been the mainstream type girl. I never fit into groups that were considered “normal” by the mainstream media or people who live in that type of life.
I don’t know what it’s like to go to prom, I don’t know what it’s like to be a popular cheerleader (although I do know what it’s like to tackle a cheerleader in flag football). Those things I will never know because part of me doesn’t really care to know. Do I want a house with a white picket fence and neighbors to come over on the weekend while my stud of a husband cooks meat on the grill? Well, as long as I have a dungeon in the basement, frequent flier miles, and my neighbors (at least some of them) are kinky too. Then that “American Dream” might be bearable for me.
~Raven~
Saturday, August 28, 2010
New thoughts on Ordeals and Figging
Hello E/everyone. Hope that this weekend rocks for everyone. At the D.C GRUE relaxing for a moment while I wait for a figging class. I have always wanted to try figging, but wanted to watch someone else do it first. You know that kind of thing where you research it and read all the “warnings”. You still think it’s fun, but you want to make sure you do it right or understand the consequences of your actions. Figging is the type of thing (from my reading) that once you start, you cannot stop. So that alone gives me pause. I have a few lists set up for myself as far as kinks/fetishes go. The first list is the group of things I’m willing and most likely only want to do by myself. That’s things like heat sensations and things I’m not wanting to share with anyone else. The next list is things I really, really want to try but I don’t want to do it alone. I want a back up plan in case things go horribly wrong. Figging is on that list. Sure anyone can shove a piece of ginger in their body.
Now time for me to do figging…correction, now time for the figging class where I watch it. Then figure out if it’s still something I want to do. Yes this blog post is going to be broken up and written in a sort of real time fashion, but that is only because I can stand doing it just this one time.
<\_~
Well, I just had a lovely conversation with someone who was so refreshing to talk to on many levels. Learning and sharing time with someone who is well versed in the areas that you yourself are working towards is just lovely. It makes you realize that it can and is being done.
There is so much I want to say, but feel so limited due to the words we have to describe these beautiful butterflies. I am waiting for the fishbowl though, that is something I think would be helpful to me. The rope bottom round table that went on was very good vibes. I’m so happy that others just kept it going and in my mind it was productive for me. Right now, I have no clue where Sir is at. But relaxing and taking a moment for myself just feels right. I have this time where I know I need to reset myself. Some things did grind on my nerves, but that had to do with every day life and things I still have to learn to deal with internally.
While talking to this lovely lady, I realized that I am not clear on what I think is the next level in my path. So maybe that is a wrong word choice. I think what I want is a way to stay more focused on my path and figure out how my path mixes and interacts with Sir and the path He is on. This goes back to the ordeal path and my reading of books on that topic. I am really drawn towards it, and I guess the goddess wanted to give me a clear understanding of what that path included. Sometimes, you don’t get a choice in the matter of ordeal path. Sickness happens. For the first week I was going out of my mind insane with pain and fear. Those two things overtook me. I didn’t know what was wrong with my body, I didn’t know much of anything. There were times when I couldn’t even think. Taking “that” away from me made me unsure. It was a feeling of helplessness and that lead to other feelings.
One of my biggest hang ups is the dealing with pain. Because of the way I grew up, my family, and other factors, I have this mental block of not knowing what I’m in “too much pain.” I have never passed out from pain. I have twice given up because of the pain. The first time I was getting my blood drawn for the 3rd time that week. The previous two blood tests came back normal. I had twisted and flinched and had my normal reactions to the needle going in and out. The 3rd time, however, mentally I was defeated. At that point the pain was constant. There was no relief. And here is this nurse just trying to help me and knowing my reaction to needles feels bad for me. But I don’t move. I just check out mentally. She finishes and then I start crying . Not because of the pain, but because my mind clicked and mentally I could not go on. I did walk to the waiting area to where Sir was, eyes red and I flopped down. I went from crying to bawling my eyes out, shaking and Him having to drag me out of the waiting area to the car. Once we got to the car I clicked back. Okay I just walked from the waiting area to the car. I didn’t think I could do it but I did. So that must mean I’m not done yet. I still have more to give.
The next time was in the ER. I went in and waiting for 2 hours about. I didn’t have a watch nor did I care. At one point I went to the nurses and begged them to help me. At this point I hadn’t had food in 5-6 days and I hadn’t had liquids in about 3 days. Yes, I know what it’s like to want water so badly, but to not be able to drink it. To have the thing I wanted most in the world, just a fucking glass of water, and my body couldn’t handle taking it in. That was very defeating for me. The nurses couldn’t do anything till the process of checking me in was done and there was a room in the ER for me. So I walking and stumbled to the back corner of the ER and laid down. I don’t know what is going on, suddenly I wake up and all the people who were there before waiting were gone. I felt my face and it was covered in drool. I just had given up at that point on feeling any relief. I did get it later on that night, and was shocked. That was one turning point for me. Ever since then water is like gold to me. I collect water bottles and won’t toss any of it away.
To end this blog entry I want to go back to the start for a moment. Figging. I think I’m not really going to be thrilled with a ginger root up my ass, but the sounds of getting ginger on my pussy is much better. Just my own observations and talking with the demo bottom who sounds a lot like me along the lines of how the sensations line up. Although yes we know no two people are alike, but I had the feeling that I’d enjoy it more on my pussy then ass. But hey, I can always try both.
~Raven~
Now time for me to do figging…correction, now time for the figging class where I watch it. Then figure out if it’s still something I want to do. Yes this blog post is going to be broken up and written in a sort of real time fashion, but that is only because I can stand doing it just this one time.
<\_~
Well, I just had a lovely conversation with someone who was so refreshing to talk to on many levels. Learning and sharing time with someone who is well versed in the areas that you yourself are working towards is just lovely. It makes you realize that it can and is being done.
There is so much I want to say, but feel so limited due to the words we have to describe these beautiful butterflies. I am waiting for the fishbowl though, that is something I think would be helpful to me. The rope bottom round table that went on was very good vibes. I’m so happy that others just kept it going and in my mind it was productive for me. Right now, I have no clue where Sir is at. But relaxing and taking a moment for myself just feels right. I have this time where I know I need to reset myself. Some things did grind on my nerves, but that had to do with every day life and things I still have to learn to deal with internally.
While talking to this lovely lady, I realized that I am not clear on what I think is the next level in my path. So maybe that is a wrong word choice. I think what I want is a way to stay more focused on my path and figure out how my path mixes and interacts with Sir and the path He is on. This goes back to the ordeal path and my reading of books on that topic. I am really drawn towards it, and I guess the goddess wanted to give me a clear understanding of what that path included. Sometimes, you don’t get a choice in the matter of ordeal path. Sickness happens. For the first week I was going out of my mind insane with pain and fear. Those two things overtook me. I didn’t know what was wrong with my body, I didn’t know much of anything. There were times when I couldn’t even think. Taking “that” away from me made me unsure. It was a feeling of helplessness and that lead to other feelings.
One of my biggest hang ups is the dealing with pain. Because of the way I grew up, my family, and other factors, I have this mental block of not knowing what I’m in “too much pain.” I have never passed out from pain. I have twice given up because of the pain. The first time I was getting my blood drawn for the 3rd time that week. The previous two blood tests came back normal. I had twisted and flinched and had my normal reactions to the needle going in and out. The 3rd time, however, mentally I was defeated. At that point the pain was constant. There was no relief. And here is this nurse just trying to help me and knowing my reaction to needles feels bad for me. But I don’t move. I just check out mentally. She finishes and then I start crying . Not because of the pain, but because my mind clicked and mentally I could not go on. I did walk to the waiting area to where Sir was, eyes red and I flopped down. I went from crying to bawling my eyes out, shaking and Him having to drag me out of the waiting area to the car. Once we got to the car I clicked back. Okay I just walked from the waiting area to the car. I didn’t think I could do it but I did. So that must mean I’m not done yet. I still have more to give.
The next time was in the ER. I went in and waiting for 2 hours about. I didn’t have a watch nor did I care. At one point I went to the nurses and begged them to help me. At this point I hadn’t had food in 5-6 days and I hadn’t had liquids in about 3 days. Yes, I know what it’s like to want water so badly, but to not be able to drink it. To have the thing I wanted most in the world, just a fucking glass of water, and my body couldn’t handle taking it in. That was very defeating for me. The nurses couldn’t do anything till the process of checking me in was done and there was a room in the ER for me. So I walking and stumbled to the back corner of the ER and laid down. I don’t know what is going on, suddenly I wake up and all the people who were there before waiting were gone. I felt my face and it was covered in drool. I just had given up at that point on feeling any relief. I did get it later on that night, and was shocked. That was one turning point for me. Ever since then water is like gold to me. I collect water bottles and won’t toss any of it away.
To end this blog entry I want to go back to the start for a moment. Figging. I think I’m not really going to be thrilled with a ginger root up my ass, but the sounds of getting ginger on my pussy is much better. Just my own observations and talking with the demo bottom who sounds a lot like me along the lines of how the sensations line up. Although yes we know no two people are alike, but I had the feeling that I’d enjoy it more on my pussy then ass. But hey, I can always try both.
~Raven~
Friday, August 27, 2010
New Turning Point
*sight* well the blog post I typed out for tonight didn't save and I am left here slightly bummed out over that. Right now Sir and I are watching a movie. Between being sick, TFW, and now the GRUE I have tons to write about, many ides pass through my mind about each thing.
I have to admit that things that have happened have given me new point of view on things. I feel some weight has been lifted off of me at the same time it was a bittersweet moment. You know when you look back at different stages of life ya remember good points, then you also remember you can't go backwards. Have to keep going forward. That's what this is like to an extent.
This is my lovely short blog entry, yeah I feel bad but hey it's late and get to struggle with early morning wake up calls.
~Raven~
I have to admit that things that have happened have given me new point of view on things. I feel some weight has been lifted off of me at the same time it was a bittersweet moment. You know when you look back at different stages of life ya remember good points, then you also remember you can't go backwards. Have to keep going forward. That's what this is like to an extent.
This is my lovely short blog entry, yeah I feel bad but hey it's late and get to struggle with early morning wake up calls.
~Raven~
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
SSC,RACK, shit happens.
I wrote a post about this in the past, that went on forever. With all I wrote about I still never got to the heart of the matter because I was too busy trying to cover all bases. Trying to make sure that every kinky person who read it would have their warnings and what not so as not to offend them. Well, Shit happens, if you find this to be so against what you think, I can solve that for you. SHIT HAPPENS, get over it. Stop reading now!! I really don’t want you to pop the blood vessels in your eyes if you can’t handle someone having their own opinion.
These are just my ever evolving opinions on subjects that I find the need to keep thinking about until I can come up with an acceptable answer for myself. Not for you sitting at your computer desk reading this, but for me, my self and fucking I. I have this urge to keep revisiting areas until I am sure I have come to the best fit for me. Does that mean you can use this to help yourself? Sure. Don’t take my word as gold, what works for me, doesn’t work for everyone else.
I want to make a quick pit stop at SSC and why it bothers me so damn much. I could never really put into words why until recently. When I met a newbie and got to remembering what it was like to be new to the kink world. I’ve never really forgotten cause I still consider myself a newbie, but I have a little background in different areas. First thing that bugs me about the terms is the terms themselves and how they are used. I spent time retyping and going over what the terms Safe and Sane meant, in general. Here’s what I got:
“Safe
Adjective
1.secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk. A safe place.
2. Free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk; to arrive safe and sound.
3. Involving little or no risk of mishap, error, ect. A safe estimate.
4. Dependable or trustworthy: a safe guide.
5.Careful to avoid danger or controversy: a safe player; a safe play.
6. Denied the chance to do harm; in secure custody: a criminal safe in jail.”
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/safe
“Sane:
Adjective
1. Free from mental derangement; having a sound, healthy mind: a sane person.
2. Having or showing reason, sound judgment, or good sense: sane advice.
3. Sound; healthy.”
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sane
We can say sure what we do is SSC by our standards. But lets really ask ourselves is it sane to do what we do at all? By the standards of the general public that would be a big no. This is one reason I have to laugh at those people sitting in the camp of “my kink is better then your kink.” If that camp works good for you, more power to you. It doesn’t work for me. How can we point at someone doing “edge play” and say “that’s not safe or sane, you shouldn’t do it!” To me that is the pot calling the kettle black.
The next point that really makes me not like SSC comes from my past and the people I’ve played with in the past as well as people I see/hear about in passing. These people that chant SSC are the biggest lairs of them all in my opinion. Like chanting SSC is really going to make tying someone up, flogging them, and fucking them any more safer then what it is already. It’s like some people out there, I’ll call them vultures to denote the difference, are going round spinning stories to newbies about SSC. It’s one of their tools to get this newbie to play with them. “Oh, I ONLY do things that are SSC, and you should trust me because I follow SSC to the letter, I would never ever do RACK or anything else because that is TOO dangerous and I would never ever hurt you.” The vultures who use this line are full of shit. But it works for them because the rest of the community doesn’t want to look bad legally so we go rounds say yes what we do is SSC, Yes you should only follow SSC. Yes lets set you up to play with someone who is just using SSC as a cover to take advantage of the situation and phrase.
RACK, I can agree with and for the most part am in favor of just because as I see it most everything is covered. Sure, I am aware of the downsides of this term/idea. But at least it’s more honest. Within the community, while talking to people of the community I think it’s should be RACK. If we have to talk to a vanilla or in a court maybe we can push SSC past them like we do the newbies. But every lawyer out there is going to say really? Hanging someone upside down and having them suck your cock/eat your pussy? That’s sane? Are you fucking shitting me?
When It comes to me, I know the risks that my play involves, as well as the risks other forms of play involve that I don’t do. Why? Cause I’m a nebshit and I like to learn about as much as I can on different topics. But I also know that I am not a god. I cannot control, nor can any other human out there control everything. Yes we get off to giving up control, getting control, or both. But we cannot see accidents coming, from equipment failing to slip ups in play. That factor is always going to be there. I call that part of play “shit happens.” Anything can happen, accepting that and going forward is how I play.
If I don’t admit that I know something “could” happen to me, then I’m just being foolish. That’s how I see it. Accepting that hey I do some pretty insane shit, edge play or whatever you want to call it. But there has always been a part of it that was RACK and a part that was giving up control to the universe of, hell, shit happens.
One last quick note before I go take a nap or something. I’d like to thank a few people for helping me figure out how I wanted to say all this. They didn’t say things the way I did, but they did tell me how they felt on this area and helped shaped my own opinions. Thanks Kuve, Dov, B.Playful, and others out there who have talked and shared their opinions with me.
~Raven~
These are just my ever evolving opinions on subjects that I find the need to keep thinking about until I can come up with an acceptable answer for myself. Not for you sitting at your computer desk reading this, but for me, my self and fucking I. I have this urge to keep revisiting areas until I am sure I have come to the best fit for me. Does that mean you can use this to help yourself? Sure. Don’t take my word as gold, what works for me, doesn’t work for everyone else.
I want to make a quick pit stop at SSC and why it bothers me so damn much. I could never really put into words why until recently. When I met a newbie and got to remembering what it was like to be new to the kink world. I’ve never really forgotten cause I still consider myself a newbie, but I have a little background in different areas. First thing that bugs me about the terms is the terms themselves and how they are used. I spent time retyping and going over what the terms Safe and Sane meant, in general. Here’s what I got:
“Safe
Adjective
1.secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk. A safe place.
2. Free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk; to arrive safe and sound.
3. Involving little or no risk of mishap, error, ect. A safe estimate.
4. Dependable or trustworthy: a safe guide.
5.Careful to avoid danger or controversy: a safe player; a safe play.
6. Denied the chance to do harm; in secure custody: a criminal safe in jail.”
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/safe
“Sane:
Adjective
1. Free from mental derangement; having a sound, healthy mind: a sane person.
2. Having or showing reason, sound judgment, or good sense: sane advice.
3. Sound; healthy.”
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sane
We can say sure what we do is SSC by our standards. But lets really ask ourselves is it sane to do what we do at all? By the standards of the general public that would be a big no. This is one reason I have to laugh at those people sitting in the camp of “my kink is better then your kink.” If that camp works good for you, more power to you. It doesn’t work for me. How can we point at someone doing “edge play” and say “that’s not safe or sane, you shouldn’t do it!” To me that is the pot calling the kettle black.
The next point that really makes me not like SSC comes from my past and the people I’ve played with in the past as well as people I see/hear about in passing. These people that chant SSC are the biggest lairs of them all in my opinion. Like chanting SSC is really going to make tying someone up, flogging them, and fucking them any more safer then what it is already. It’s like some people out there, I’ll call them vultures to denote the difference, are going round spinning stories to newbies about SSC. It’s one of their tools to get this newbie to play with them. “Oh, I ONLY do things that are SSC, and you should trust me because I follow SSC to the letter, I would never ever do RACK or anything else because that is TOO dangerous and I would never ever hurt you.” The vultures who use this line are full of shit. But it works for them because the rest of the community doesn’t want to look bad legally so we go rounds say yes what we do is SSC, Yes you should only follow SSC. Yes lets set you up to play with someone who is just using SSC as a cover to take advantage of the situation and phrase.
RACK, I can agree with and for the most part am in favor of just because as I see it most everything is covered. Sure, I am aware of the downsides of this term/idea. But at least it’s more honest. Within the community, while talking to people of the community I think it’s should be RACK. If we have to talk to a vanilla or in a court maybe we can push SSC past them like we do the newbies. But every lawyer out there is going to say really? Hanging someone upside down and having them suck your cock/eat your pussy? That’s sane? Are you fucking shitting me?
When It comes to me, I know the risks that my play involves, as well as the risks other forms of play involve that I don’t do. Why? Cause I’m a nebshit and I like to learn about as much as I can on different topics. But I also know that I am not a god. I cannot control, nor can any other human out there control everything. Yes we get off to giving up control, getting control, or both. But we cannot see accidents coming, from equipment failing to slip ups in play. That factor is always going to be there. I call that part of play “shit happens.” Anything can happen, accepting that and going forward is how I play.
If I don’t admit that I know something “could” happen to me, then I’m just being foolish. That’s how I see it. Accepting that hey I do some pretty insane shit, edge play or whatever you want to call it. But there has always been a part of it that was RACK and a part that was giving up control to the universe of, hell, shit happens.
One last quick note before I go take a nap or something. I’d like to thank a few people for helping me figure out how I wanted to say all this. They didn’t say things the way I did, but they did tell me how they felt on this area and helped shaped my own opinions. Thanks Kuve, Dov, B.Playful, and others out there who have talked and shared their opinions with me.
~Raven~
Monday, July 12, 2010
Ass Play Stores. . .cause we all need a good laugh.
In no real order I felt the urge to share stories on the topic of ass play. I’ve not really done it much, but what I’ve done I’ve found pretty funny. The first story comes from a while back in my “younger days” of kink when I was a full blown newbie. This time period of my life was fast and slow, as well as filled with day dream ideas of fun and excitement with the thoughts of new things.
I was in a poly relationship, where I had a Dom and He had other submissives. I got along with His “first” girl very well, and she with me. Stroke of luck if you ask me now looking back on everything but we had a great weekend together. They had anal beads and I had anal sex before once but never tried toys. The beads to me looked big, you know when your younger everything looks bigger then it is, keep that in mind ladies. I was blindfolded laying across the bed, ass up in the air. She was playing with my hair at some points and He was telling me what to do as He slide the beads in. I really could not tell how far in the beads where but for the most part I was enjoying it. At the same time she had pulled out her phone and called our friends and handed Him the phone. He whispered something that my ears caught. “wow, I didn’t think she’d get this many beads in, I have one left.” My mind clicked, as many of my friends have seen it click. I started screaming my safe word, my muscles tended up, and it took them 5 minutes to relax me from my state of holy fuck what’s in my ass?
A few years later I bought the same anal beads and got them all the way in my ass. . . And if I didn’t misplace them in my move I’d still be using them. They’re really not as bad or as big as I worked them up to be in my mind. I find myself laughing at that story still, just cause my over reaction to what I heard. Lesson: ear plugs might have been a good thing to invest in.
Next story. . . This one is priceless. It cracks me up and makes me smile because Sir really pulled one over on me. We had won an njoy small size plug at an event we went to, and well He just had to try it out. Okay, yes I HAD to try it as well. It went it a lot easier then I thought it would. Hell, even to this day it goes in easier then I thought it would. We finish packing up for the trip home and get on the road. I get hungry and ask if we can stop for some food.
He was most agreeable, maybe too agreeable. We ate a lovely lunch then He got up to use the rest room. I really had to use the rest room as well so I waited until He got back and hopped up and when I saw Him heading over. On the way past He whispered in my ear “make sure you don’t drop it.” I had a big smile on my face cause I knew I had done anal play before and He didn’t. I thought I had it in the bag. I had the advantage over him.
I get in and the bathroom is lovely. Each stall had a sink of its own and was really well laid out. I started doing my business and suddenly I heard something. CLANK, that’s what it sounded like and my face dropped. I stopped breathing for a few moment. I slowly turned and looked slightly behind me. FUCK, it’s an auto flushing toilet! I had 2.5 seconds to make up my mind. And I hate toilet water. I was freaking out and then I heard the dreaded sound. Without thinking I reached down and grabbed it, that took less then 2.5 seconds. Something I never thought I’d do. I slowly stood and faced the sink and for the next 3 minutes with as hot as I could get the water I scrubbed my hands and the toy. It might have been longer, but I popped the plug back in. No way in hell I’d go back to Sir and not have the toy in place. By the way, hot water+ metal toy =hot metal toy. Oh yes at least that was pleasant. I slowly put myself together and start out of the stall. There was a line of ladies. All of them giving me nasty looks. I looked at the ground, ran across the store, and grabbed Sir by His arm. Dragged Him to the coffee shop and then dragged Him to the car.
Half way to the car I busted out laughing and had to attempted telling Him the story a few times between laughing. I was so pissed that He had the upper hand the whole time and I didn’t want to admit it. But that is one of the things I totally enjoy, being out smarted.
I was in a poly relationship, where I had a Dom and He had other submissives. I got along with His “first” girl very well, and she with me. Stroke of luck if you ask me now looking back on everything but we had a great weekend together. They had anal beads and I had anal sex before once but never tried toys. The beads to me looked big, you know when your younger everything looks bigger then it is, keep that in mind ladies. I was blindfolded laying across the bed, ass up in the air. She was playing with my hair at some points and He was telling me what to do as He slide the beads in. I really could not tell how far in the beads where but for the most part I was enjoying it. At the same time she had pulled out her phone and called our friends and handed Him the phone. He whispered something that my ears caught. “wow, I didn’t think she’d get this many beads in, I have one left.” My mind clicked, as many of my friends have seen it click. I started screaming my safe word, my muscles tended up, and it took them 5 minutes to relax me from my state of holy fuck what’s in my ass?
A few years later I bought the same anal beads and got them all the way in my ass. . . And if I didn’t misplace them in my move I’d still be using them. They’re really not as bad or as big as I worked them up to be in my mind. I find myself laughing at that story still, just cause my over reaction to what I heard. Lesson: ear plugs might have been a good thing to invest in.
Next story. . . This one is priceless. It cracks me up and makes me smile because Sir really pulled one over on me. We had won an njoy small size plug at an event we went to, and well He just had to try it out. Okay, yes I HAD to try it as well. It went it a lot easier then I thought it would. Hell, even to this day it goes in easier then I thought it would. We finish packing up for the trip home and get on the road. I get hungry and ask if we can stop for some food.
He was most agreeable, maybe too agreeable. We ate a lovely lunch then He got up to use the rest room. I really had to use the rest room as well so I waited until He got back and hopped up and when I saw Him heading over. On the way past He whispered in my ear “make sure you don’t drop it.” I had a big smile on my face cause I knew I had done anal play before and He didn’t. I thought I had it in the bag. I had the advantage over him.
I get in and the bathroom is lovely. Each stall had a sink of its own and was really well laid out. I started doing my business and suddenly I heard something. CLANK, that’s what it sounded like and my face dropped. I stopped breathing for a few moment. I slowly turned and looked slightly behind me. FUCK, it’s an auto flushing toilet! I had 2.5 seconds to make up my mind. And I hate toilet water. I was freaking out and then I heard the dreaded sound. Without thinking I reached down and grabbed it, that took less then 2.5 seconds. Something I never thought I’d do. I slowly stood and faced the sink and for the next 3 minutes with as hot as I could get the water I scrubbed my hands and the toy. It might have been longer, but I popped the plug back in. No way in hell I’d go back to Sir and not have the toy in place. By the way, hot water+ metal toy =hot metal toy. Oh yes at least that was pleasant. I slowly put myself together and start out of the stall. There was a line of ladies. All of them giving me nasty looks. I looked at the ground, ran across the store, and grabbed Sir by His arm. Dragged Him to the coffee shop and then dragged Him to the car.
Half way to the car I busted out laughing and had to attempted telling Him the story a few times between laughing. I was so pissed that He had the upper hand the whole time and I didn’t want to admit it. But that is one of the things I totally enjoy, being out smarted.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
First times:Suspension and Kitty Play Party.
I have to say, that I have put off writing about anything for a while now because I have had no focus, I have not had something that moved me to write and post what I’ve written. But I wanted to write this story of events for myself so I can keep it fresh and enjoy reliving it.
I went to classes for a few days and listened to people talk. I saw a few faces I knew and had seen play before so I knew that they had an idea of what they were doing/talking about. I finally some how grew a back bone and asked what I wanted to ask to a presenter. It simply came down to this: How can I get past my own mind when it keeps telling me I cannot be suspended. He was nice and sat down and talked with me for a few minutes about it. The answer was rather simple and one I didn’t want to hear because I already knew it but didn’t want to admit it.
First, there is no try, I am either going to be suspended or not. Second, It can be done if I trust the person doing it. Third, it’s going to be different/uncomfortable/ not pleasant. At this point I side track to mention I agree with the fact that the female body was made to with stand and take pain. Babies, PMS, and men prove that point clearly. So I know I like a bit of pain, but I don’t consider myself a pain slut. The tools were given to me and I walked outside for a smoke.
My partner was there and I was very nervous clearly. Puffed away two smokes before I told Him what was on my mind. It was so simple yet I had such a hard time saying it. {flashback} Earlier that night I had a bad feeling and had told Him I wanted to pass on playing that night. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I wanted to play but something in the back of my mind wasn’t right. I was almost in tears when I told Him what I was feeling. {back to current part} By the end of the second smoke I was able to collect myself enough to tell Him simply: “You are going to suspend me tonight. Let me know when You are ready.”
Yeah, I’ve got to give control up to this person who I just told Him what He’s going to do. Can we say I have control issues? (laughs). Being aware of those issues allows me to work on them and move forward. He smiles His great amazing smile and takes my hand. Down to the dungeons we go. We searched out a few rooms and sat in one room that was smaller. Waiting and waiting made me worried. What if I loose my resolve to do this? What If I start over thinking all this stuff? That was my biggest problem. Over thinking everything.
He went off to look over the dungeons again to look for a rig. He found one and came back and got me. As I walked behind Him I started to watch my breathing. I was breathing too rapidly. I needed to relax. Not think. Slowing down the breathing. I usually watch Him set things up and start tying. This time I didn’t. I couldn’t or I wouldn’t be able to do this task. I looked at the ground and focused on my breathing and Him. I heard the click of His ring going up. Yes, it was the largest of the dungeons, but some things you notice. Things that get you excited at what is coming next. He moved me backwards under the ring and put my hands up on the ring. I looked over at Him and said “you can tie my hands, you can do it however you want.”
I know my partner likes to have hands tie, it’s a control thing. And I’ve had such a hard time with that in the past. I wanted to have Him do it however He wanted, I wanted Him to get His kicks. He smiled, kissed me, and said no, He wanted to do it this way. I smiled and nodded. Then the focus came into play. I kept my eyes are my arms and at a place between my elbows. I didn’t watch the ropes go on, I didn’t pay attention to the order. I just enjoyed the feeling of them touching my skin and focused harder on clearing my mind. Focus on not focusing. That’s the concept. I kept going with it.
I heard a nose from the side. I thought oh, someone’s having fun. Then went back to focusing and things faded away again. I heard a louder nose from the same side. Wow, I’m sure they’re having a good time. Back to what I needed to do. Then this sound I’ve never heard before. So loud and I just had to turn my head. What I saw was something of pure beauty. I couldn’t turn my eyes away. I watched for maybe a minute before I was almost in tears. I was blinking the tears away after two minutes. The scene was so moving and beautiful. It made me forget where I was at and what I was about to do.
Then I came back to what my scene was and did as I was told. Lean back. The ropes didn’t pinch or make me want to scream this time around. Instead I felt my body relax into the ropes and I was suspended. It was so much more then I thought it would be. Again almost in tears over how happy I was to be able to do this task. I had climbed the mountain that had been haunting me for weeks/months. My fears had faded away in the ropes and I was in a state of pure happiness. He blindfolded me and tied my hands up the ropes. He started to tie my foot when I felt a wave of nausea. I notice I do get that way when something suddenly isn’t right with my body. I told Him and He got me up and I felt like I was still flying. I wanted to dance in His arms to the music but I’m sure I would’ve fallen on my face. My legs were unsteady and felt like jello.
It was something that I totally enjoyed doing. Suspension went from something that haunted me to something that was a new twisted enjoyment.
I wanted to share this for a few reasons. One, it was pretty amazing for me. And Two I have read a thread about loud noses and people being angry about their scene being interrupted. I talked with my partner about the loud scene after we got back to the hotel room. My comment went more like: “OMFG DID YOU SEE THAT AMAZING SCENE THAT XXXXX WAS DOING?! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFULLY MOVING AND JUST MADE ME SPEECHLESS.” Yeah, I was taken out of my scene. . .but I cannot think of a better way to be taken out of a scene then to see something that was so beautiful and opened my own eyes to a world that I have been missing. A new way of thinking and feeling . . . That was the highlight of my shibaricon. To be suspended and to witness a scene that moved me in a way that I’ve not been moved ever by a scene, not even by one I’ve done.
Notes:
I wrote this post a long time ago but never thought to post it in my blog. I tend to have a back log on my posts. Lots of writing that needs touched up and what not before I post it. but this one is lovely enough to add to this collection. I should also take a moment to talk about kitty play party I went to at shibaricon. That was the most fun I've ever had in that setting. I always thought I was odd and not able to mix my love of ropes and kitty play. Hell, before last year I didn't know that kitty play had a name. It was just me getting in touch with a part of me that I enjoy.
But the party, Hosted by Physchkat, was the best EVER, I also have to thank Jack and His friends for all they did as well for the party. LOVED the lazier pointer. . . I was so far and deep into kitty space it was totally lovely. I was floating. Even after when I went for a smoke out side in front of the hotel, I was still in kitty space. I saw a wrapper go floating across the pavement and almost jumped after it. Thankfully I had a little self control.
Thanks to everyone, 1,000 thanks to the staff and everyone who helped at shibaricon. Totally loved it.
~Raven~
I went to classes for a few days and listened to people talk. I saw a few faces I knew and had seen play before so I knew that they had an idea of what they were doing/talking about. I finally some how grew a back bone and asked what I wanted to ask to a presenter. It simply came down to this: How can I get past my own mind when it keeps telling me I cannot be suspended. He was nice and sat down and talked with me for a few minutes about it. The answer was rather simple and one I didn’t want to hear because I already knew it but didn’t want to admit it.
First, there is no try, I am either going to be suspended or not. Second, It can be done if I trust the person doing it. Third, it’s going to be different/uncomfortable/ not pleasant. At this point I side track to mention I agree with the fact that the female body was made to with stand and take pain. Babies, PMS, and men prove that point clearly. So I know I like a bit of pain, but I don’t consider myself a pain slut. The tools were given to me and I walked outside for a smoke.
My partner was there and I was very nervous clearly. Puffed away two smokes before I told Him what was on my mind. It was so simple yet I had such a hard time saying it. {flashback} Earlier that night I had a bad feeling and had told Him I wanted to pass on playing that night. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I wanted to play but something in the back of my mind wasn’t right. I was almost in tears when I told Him what I was feeling. {back to current part} By the end of the second smoke I was able to collect myself enough to tell Him simply: “You are going to suspend me tonight. Let me know when You are ready.”
Yeah, I’ve got to give control up to this person who I just told Him what He’s going to do. Can we say I have control issues? (laughs). Being aware of those issues allows me to work on them and move forward. He smiles His great amazing smile and takes my hand. Down to the dungeons we go. We searched out a few rooms and sat in one room that was smaller. Waiting and waiting made me worried. What if I loose my resolve to do this? What If I start over thinking all this stuff? That was my biggest problem. Over thinking everything.
He went off to look over the dungeons again to look for a rig. He found one and came back and got me. As I walked behind Him I started to watch my breathing. I was breathing too rapidly. I needed to relax. Not think. Slowing down the breathing. I usually watch Him set things up and start tying. This time I didn’t. I couldn’t or I wouldn’t be able to do this task. I looked at the ground and focused on my breathing and Him. I heard the click of His ring going up. Yes, it was the largest of the dungeons, but some things you notice. Things that get you excited at what is coming next. He moved me backwards under the ring and put my hands up on the ring. I looked over at Him and said “you can tie my hands, you can do it however you want.”
I know my partner likes to have hands tie, it’s a control thing. And I’ve had such a hard time with that in the past. I wanted to have Him do it however He wanted, I wanted Him to get His kicks. He smiled, kissed me, and said no, He wanted to do it this way. I smiled and nodded. Then the focus came into play. I kept my eyes are my arms and at a place between my elbows. I didn’t watch the ropes go on, I didn’t pay attention to the order. I just enjoyed the feeling of them touching my skin and focused harder on clearing my mind. Focus on not focusing. That’s the concept. I kept going with it.
I heard a nose from the side. I thought oh, someone’s having fun. Then went back to focusing and things faded away again. I heard a louder nose from the same side. Wow, I’m sure they’re having a good time. Back to what I needed to do. Then this sound I’ve never heard before. So loud and I just had to turn my head. What I saw was something of pure beauty. I couldn’t turn my eyes away. I watched for maybe a minute before I was almost in tears. I was blinking the tears away after two minutes. The scene was so moving and beautiful. It made me forget where I was at and what I was about to do.
Then I came back to what my scene was and did as I was told. Lean back. The ropes didn’t pinch or make me want to scream this time around. Instead I felt my body relax into the ropes and I was suspended. It was so much more then I thought it would be. Again almost in tears over how happy I was to be able to do this task. I had climbed the mountain that had been haunting me for weeks/months. My fears had faded away in the ropes and I was in a state of pure happiness. He blindfolded me and tied my hands up the ropes. He started to tie my foot when I felt a wave of nausea. I notice I do get that way when something suddenly isn’t right with my body. I told Him and He got me up and I felt like I was still flying. I wanted to dance in His arms to the music but I’m sure I would’ve fallen on my face. My legs were unsteady and felt like jello.
It was something that I totally enjoyed doing. Suspension went from something that haunted me to something that was a new twisted enjoyment.
I wanted to share this for a few reasons. One, it was pretty amazing for me. And Two I have read a thread about loud noses and people being angry about their scene being interrupted. I talked with my partner about the loud scene after we got back to the hotel room. My comment went more like: “OMFG DID YOU SEE THAT AMAZING SCENE THAT XXXXX WAS DOING?! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFULLY MOVING AND JUST MADE ME SPEECHLESS.” Yeah, I was taken out of my scene. . .but I cannot think of a better way to be taken out of a scene then to see something that was so beautiful and opened my own eyes to a world that I have been missing. A new way of thinking and feeling . . . That was the highlight of my shibaricon. To be suspended and to witness a scene that moved me in a way that I’ve not been moved ever by a scene, not even by one I’ve done.
Notes:
I wrote this post a long time ago but never thought to post it in my blog. I tend to have a back log on my posts. Lots of writing that needs touched up and what not before I post it. but this one is lovely enough to add to this collection. I should also take a moment to talk about kitty play party I went to at shibaricon. That was the most fun I've ever had in that setting. I always thought I was odd and not able to mix my love of ropes and kitty play. Hell, before last year I didn't know that kitty play had a name. It was just me getting in touch with a part of me that I enjoy.
But the party, Hosted by Physchkat, was the best EVER, I also have to thank Jack and His friends for all they did as well for the party. LOVED the lazier pointer. . . I was so far and deep into kitty space it was totally lovely. I was floating. Even after when I went for a smoke out side in front of the hotel, I was still in kitty space. I saw a wrapper go floating across the pavement and almost jumped after it. Thankfully I had a little self control.
Thanks to everyone, 1,000 thanks to the staff and everyone who helped at shibaricon. Totally loved it.
~Raven~
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